Copyright and Legal notes This goes for ANYONE that "Hotlinks" or "Steals" any content on shadowalchemy.net Violation is subject to prosecution and/or dismemberment Violators will be abducted from their homes, beaten mortally with blunt instruments, and will turn up in the past tense floating downstream in a nearby river with a picture of Tami Faye Bakker tattooed to their butt. Prosecuted if they survive. If. Violators for any reason other than harmless promotion will be hunted down like a dog in the streets, maimed beyond recognition (that's human recognition), and forced to listen to 17 hours of continuous rap while being intravenously fed pure MSG. Trust me, on the 16th hour you'll crack and wish to whatever Gods you hold dear, you never heard my name Violators will be referred to the law firm of Lou, E., Ville, and Slugger. Violators will be... Oh, hell... Are ya' cute? Violate me. Please. Just a little... Violators will be beat repeatedly about the skull with a claw hammer, ground slowly from the feet up, and fed to cannibal midgets. Violators will be cracked, sacked, and stacked. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is just a little ha-ha for my own amusement or a sign that you're on my black list for life. Sweet dreams, suckers. Violators will be flogged and forced to do nasty things at my whim... Violators will be tied down and whipped. With piano wire. Didn't want anyone getting too excited. Hell, now all of you probably are. You violators are a sick lot... Violators will be strung up by the bang-bang fruit and flossed "Baywatch" style with barbed wire... Violators will be O.J.'d. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is the result of childhood head trauma, frequent drinking, or chemical imbalances causing delusions of ego. Get help either way, you sorry-ass... Violators will be named "Steven." Violators will be forced to eat large quantities of estrogen while listening to Tori Amos and forced to criticize phallic art.... Whatever that means... Violators will be force-fed huge amounts of ecstasy, made to look at Bergsma paintings Clockwork Orange style, while the soft, soothing sax of Kenny G is played throughout a 24 hour ordeal. Then you will be offered a shotgun with a rubber bullet. Violators will be impaled on giant Crazy Straws and forced to listen to hours and hours of that Fran Drescher (however you spell it) Nanny bitch whine about what a self- loving diva she is... Violators will be pumped full of El Dopa and forced to diffuse bombs with a butterknife and tweezers while listening to Slim Whitman- live, naked, and loud... Christian bookstore lady, forgive me... I will change and see your Light. I promise. Violators will used in top secret experiments on the results of many baseball bats and their various impacting forces on the human head. And no--you won't be the one doing the hitting. Violators will be smothered in saurkraut and eaten by Germans. Violators will be melted into string cheese and fed to the rat running around my house. Went after the first one with a broadsword and a can of Raid. The dog eventually got him. Now another one is back. God, I hate rats. Violators will be... Ummmm.... It's just not coming to me now.... Violators will be subjected to a Steve Guttenberg movie marathon. All his films, all the animals he's acted with. Sweet kids. Such harrowing adventure. Violators will be subjected to a Steve Guttenberg movie marathon. All his films, all the animals he's acted with. Sweet kids. Such harrowing adventure. Violators will be strung up by their ears and eaten from their toes. By cave-dwelling, white-eyed, cannibal babies! Violators will be used as a test dummy for Penn and Teller's "Bullet in the Teeth" trick. Violators will be forced to switch Social Security numbers with me. Heh. Violators will be locked in a room with Neil Diamond on mescaline. Think he's cryin' out for Shilo now? I wanted to fly--LSD made me feel like I could... Think I'll write a song about them funny lookin' mushrooms... Violators will be covered in bar-b-que sauce and left alone in a room with Mike Tyson. God, I hope I never meet that guy now... Ha! Like he reads this... Violators will be forced. Forced to do, on, or whatever I want. No K-Y. Heh. Violators will have their mouths sewn shut with razor wire and Coke and Pop Rocks pumped up their noses. Violators will forced to clean my house. Believe me, this is the harshest one I've written yet... Violators will be stuffed with goat's intestines and blood, and fed to Sean Connery. How real do you feel, Miss Peal? Violators will be cast into a boiling pit of Chinese hot mustard and razorblades. Violators will be cast into a boiling pit of Chinese hot mustard and razorblades. Violators will be stripped naked, covered in honey, and chained in the basement of Freak Manor... Violators will be forced to guest host the new Tammi Faye and Jim Prayer Hour naked and shaved of bodily hair. Violators will be decapitated with plastic spoons. Violators will be forced to listen to 24 hours of Morrissey spoken word, while being sodomized with manual eggbeaters... Violators will be sliced up, dried into jerky and frozen, to be later thawed and stored in my pen bag, and distributed as an in-flight snack on the trip to the next con I attend. Violators will be forced to wear barbed wire underwear and given an atomic wedgie by The Rock. Smell that. Violators will be... uhh... Monica Lewinsky was the last true sex symbol of the millennium. Not necessarily threatening but true. Violators will be hogtied, spanish flied, wild-eyed and stupefied... Violators will be slugged, drugged and plugged. Violators will be shanghaied, mortified, vivisected, deep-fried, hung on the traitor's gate, where crows will eat their eyes, Cheetos and blowjobs to all my men! Violators will be abused, misused, infused and excused. Violators will be killed like the motherfucking, ass-raping, cock-knocking, cunt-oozing bastards and bitches they are. Violators will be dragged through the folds of a really fat guy and forced to lick themselves clean. Mmmmm! Violators will be spanked with a paddle. A paddle with 7-inch nails hammered through it. Nails coated with cyanide. Violators will be cast into the dungeons of Fu Manchu, the Tomb of Dracula, and the Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. Violators will be doused with mescaline and locked in a room with Gilbert Godfrey and Martha Stuart...naked. Slowly will the violators perish. I will snip your intestines from the colon and stick the end into a newspaper printing machine. I will print my life's story on your dying, rotting guts. And it's a looong story. Violators will be pork-fried and fed to cannibal hillbillys. Violators will be...corrected... Violators will be given Ebola enemas with a Hanta Virus twist. Violators will be taken down to Lonely Street and shut up in Heartbreak Hotel. You be so lonely, you could die... Violators' girlfriends, wives, sisters, mothers, or daughters will get my "special" attention. Violators will be forced to have hot, sweaty sex with this crazy lady who lives a few doors down from me. Eww - believe me - this one's a NASTY one! Tell me you're a little bitch! C'mon! (c)Drew Hayes